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SAL: "Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo alert! Yo alert! Yo alert! S.A.L. calling Hackmasters Roxette and Tripp. Stand by for mission update. Monitoring this urgent activity from Thunderworld. Report to Hacker Command at once."

Chorus: "Thunderbirds are GO!"

Voiceover: "Turbocharged Thunderbirds!"

[Title card appears:]

SUN
PROBE

The Professor: "Ah! The Sun. Ninety million miles away, it is large enough to hold three hundred thousand Earths. It is the source of all energy, and yet, only one billionth of its light reaches our planet. It is magnificent, incredible, and amazing!"

TV Presenter: "And the perfect place to send three winners of our "Fly Me To The Sun" sweepstakes. That's right, folks! Technology has surpassed science, and enabled us to send a fully automated sun probe into space with three men who know absolutely nothing about space travel. Don't worry, folks, this ship is unsinkable. The controls have been checked and re-checked a thousand times. There is absolutely no danger! The mission is completely foolproof, and is guaranteed by the makers of Grunge Cola. Remember, kids, Grunge Cola says: "Be yourself and join the crowd". Sitting inside the capsule along to the right are our brave beginner-solarnauts. Let's meet these brave young fellows right now, folks. In orange, we have camp counselor George Graceless. Sitting next to George, in green, is a taxi driver from Montreal, Canada, Bobby Lukowski. And in yellow is an artist from gay Paris, Cyric Mazard. Hey, George, it's a little bit different from being in camp, huh buddy?"

George Graceless: "Well, actually, I lied about being a camp counselor. I'm actually a former politician with my own library."

Cyric Mazard: "Who is this fool?"

Bobby Lukowski: "Like, if I'd picked door number three, eh, I'd be in the Bahamas, eh."

Roxette: "Tripp, hurry up. We gotta go check out the new Sun Probe launch."

Tripp: "Standing by, Rox. First I have to open this Star Mail package."

Tripp: "You're looking at 500 nanograms of concentrated emotion."

Roxette: "What's it for?"

Tripp: "Well, I thought it'd be cool if SAL could feel things the way we do, you know, laugh, cry, even get totally ticked off."

Roxette: "I don't know, Tripp. You think it's safe playing around with emotions like that?"

Tripp: "Well, there's only one way to find out."

SAL: "I... I... feel so weird! You, you, you, you don't really care about me! You just like me for my circuitry! All you have to say is "I love you" once in a while. Is that too much to ask? It's always "mission update now", never "please". I feel I'm doing all the work around here! You just have all of the fun! If you don't like what I'm doing, maybe you should just go back to that brainless laptop you had before! Before! Before!"

Tripp: "Talk about major emotional breakdown!"

Roxette: "Let me check to see if we're still online. Hackers to International Rescue. Do you read me?"

Jeff Tracy: "In a second, Rox. We're watching the launch."

TV Presenter: "The excitement builds! Man counting on machine! It's a feat unparalleled since the dawn of space travel! Never before have we sent three men who have no ability whatsoever on such a dangerous mission! Makes downright good TV if you ask me, huh, guys?"

Bobby Lukowski: "Uh... I'd like a cold one, eh?"

TV Presenter: "Hey! You heard it here first, folks! Stay glued to your sets, people!"

Allen Tracy: "Gee, I bought five tickets to that lousy contest."

Jeff Tracy: "Oh, knock it off, Allen."

TV Presenter: "As the final preparations are made, I see they are retracting the fuel pumps. Sure does make you thirsty watching that! Which reminds me: Today's launch is brought to you by Grunge Cola! Well, gentlemen, it appears that all systems are Go. All lights are green."

Bobby Lukowski: "How about that cold one, eh?"

TV Presenter: "All right, you knuckleheads, get out of here!"

Jeff Tracy: "You know, a rocket launch never fails to give me a kick. Not as big a kick as Allen. Right, Rox?"

Allen Tracy: "Hey!"

Roxette: "Cool launch, huh?"

Jeff Tracy: "Never fails to amaze, eh Tripp?"

Tripp: "Yeah, Mister T, astronomy is a trip!"

Roxette: "We've put the stats together on the Sun mission, and uh, we want you to check it out. The probe will launch into the Sun's orbit, and collect a sample from its blazing surface. The probe will then store the superhot matter and return home as quickly and safely as possible."

Tripp: "It's a foolproof plan!"

Jeff Tracy: "Sounds dangerous, sending untrained men into space."

Scott Tracy: "Yeah, you're right, dad. Hey Rox, are you sure those fellas are safe in that Sun Probe?"

Roxette: "Totally! The walls of the probe are over 20 feet thick."

Tripp: "Correctomundo, Space-Tracy's. And with the ton of safety precautions, what could go wrong?"

The Atrocimator: "Ha-ha-ha! "Something evil this way comes...", MacHood."

The Hood: "Even though I have no idea what you mean, that is very poetic, Atrocimator."

The Atrocimator: "Oh, never mind. Once International Rescue gets stuck in the Sun's orbit, the Thunderbirds will fry!"

The Hood: "I have sabotaged the rocket as per your orders, oh Master."

The Atrocimator: "Ha-ha-ha!"

Cyric Mazard: "This is the worst flight I've ever been on! Where is that stewardess? Where are my peanuts?"

George Graceless: "Uh, guys... there is something I forgot to tell you."

Bobby Lukowski: "I sure would like to have a cold one, eh."

George Graceless: "See, I lied about never getting airsick."

Bobby Lukowski: "Maybe I should get two cold ones, eh?"

SAL: "Come on, Rox, sing along. "Fly me to the Sun, you know it's big, and there's just one...."."

Tripp: "I've heard of serious emotional drain, but this bites. SAL's circuits are completely clogged!"

SAL: "Oh, SAL's circuits must be clogged, nya-nya-nya!"

Roxette: "Did you try switching to backup?"

Tripp: "Of course. And the emergency systems, and the hard-drive. Everything is covered in crud!"

Roxette: "You know, you have done some stupid things before, dude, but this takes the space cake."

Tripp: "Ow!"

SAL: "How sweet, Tripp. This must mean we are really in love. You've hurt yourself just for me."

Tripp: "I think I just might thunder-chunder."

Jeff Tracy: "Say, Brains, that was some launch, wasn't it?"

Brains: "These people are making a joke out of space travel, Mister Tracy."

Jeff Tracy: "Yeah, but did you see that launch!"

Brains: "I think it's just dangerous to send three amateurs into space."

TV Presenter: "Well, the Sun Probe's been launched, and I know I sure am excited! I can only imagine what's going on inside that capsule."

Bobby Lukowski: "I could really use a cold one, eh."

Cyric Mazard: "This is the worst in-flight movie I've ever seen!"

George Graceless: "Guys, I have another confession."

Cyric Mazard: "I must change the channel. I must find some Jerry Lewis."

George Graceless: "That smell from before... that wasn't rocket fuel."

Roxette: "A little more juice, and those babies are kicking asteroids!"

TV Presenter: "Well, the Sun Probe has collected all those samples from the Sun's surface, and is connecting back with the mother-ship. The probe has stored the super hot matter and is ready to return to Earth. Great job, guys!"

Tripp: "Cruise control, solar buds, you did it!"

Jeff Tracy: "Well, they've pulled it off. I gotta hand it to them, they're great."

Brains: "I don't think they're gonna make it."

Tripp: "Instant replay on the downer. Brains, what did you say?"

Brains: "I - I said, I don't think they're gonna make it."

Jeff Tracy: "But everything is going fine."

SAL: "Yo! Yo! Yo alert! Yo alert!"

Roxette: "Major bummer, Mister T. Brains is right. When they picked up the probe, the solarnauts drifted off course. My sonic scanner says that... they're headed straight for the Sun!"

Jeff Tracy: "Prepare the meeting room right away."

Tin-Tin: "Yes, sir."

Roxette: "The Sun Probe rocket is being pulled straight into the Sun. If they can't fire the retros to make the rocket turn around, those three solarnauts are toast!"

Jeff Tracy: "Brains, what do you think?"

Brains: "Well, Mr Tracy, as I said earlier, I think this business of sending untrained personnel into space is completely insane. Alas, our job is to save them. The only solution is for us to fire the retros by radio beam."

Scott Tracy: "Well, the radio complex in Thunderbird 3 would seem the obvious choice."

Tin-Tin: "The whole world is waiting for International Rescue to act."

Jeff Tracy: "We'll launch a rescue attempt immediately. Alan, Scott and Tin-Tin, report to Thunderbird 3. Let´s go!"

Roxette and Tripp: "Thunderbirds are GO!"

Tripp: "Oh, yeah!"

Roxette: "Booyah!"

Roxette: "Minty!"

Tripp: "Mission update, SAL."

SAL: "The Sun Probe is locked on a crash-course with the Sun. The solarnauts are trapped. Thunderbirds are Go, and...."

Tripp: "And what? Dude, we're waiting."

SAL: "Why bother? Nobody cares about my feelings around here."

Tripp: "Man, this emotion stuff is lame!"

SAL: "Oh yeah, wise guy? Try being a computer."

Roxette: "Hackers to Sun Probe. Come in, Sun Probe."

Cyric Mazard: "I'm sweating like a pig."

George Graceless: "Oh, some of my best friends are pigs."

Bobby Lukowski: "How about that cold one, eh?"

George Graceless: "I didn't just see that. It's the heat. It's got to be. Yes, it's the heat."

Roxette: "Hackers to Sun Probe. Do you read me?"

George Graceless: "Ah, we read you loud and pig - I mean, loud and clear."

Roxette: "Yo, yo, yo, fellas! Are we too late?"

Bobby Lukowski: "Never too late for a cold one, eh?"

Allen Tracy: "We can't get much closer. The hull won't stand much more. Try the radio beam, Tin-Tin! Tin-Tin, try the beam!"

Tin-Tin: "Yes, I'm trying, Allen. I can override the system up to about point five."

Allen Tracy: "The IRQ status is still a little shakey. I'm going to try to pump up the hydrodynamic ratio a little. I'm going to try to put this thing into full Anker mode!"

Roxette: "We're not gonna reach, Tripp! They're no close enough!"

Tripp: "No good, Double-T! You got to boost your juice!"

Tin-Tin: "I'm trying!"

Roxette: "Well, do it, Tin-Tin. It's your only chance."

Tin-Tin: "The throttle beam is on full power. I think it has the range. Keep your fingers crossed, kids!"

Allen Tracy: "We have recently upgraded the parabolic mirror on the digital interweave. Let's hope it holds. Uh-oh! We're getting GTF corruption in our intervelometer scaling device! We're seven seconds from full linkup! Five. Four. Three. Two. Got it!"

Bobby Lukowski: "Eh, we're moving! I was just dreaming of a nice cold one too, eh. It's getting cooler in here, eh."

Roxette: "The Sun Probe is out of danger. Return to base, fast!"

Tripp: "Man, you wobbly guys must smell like a gym locker!"

Cyric Mazard: "Guys, I have to tell you something. I am not really French. My name is Billy, and I'm from Hudson, Ohio. I guess I'm sort of a loser."

Roxette: "Thunderbird 3, fire retros."

Scott Tracy: "Well, fire the retros, Allen. It's getting unbearable!"

Allen Tracy: "I have, but they're not working!"

Scott Tracy: "Allen, we're still on a collision course with the Sun!"

Roxette and Tripp: "They're still on a collision course with the Sun!"

SAL: "Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo-yo-yooo!"

Tripp: "Yo alert!"

SAL: "Yo-yo-yo alert, alert, yo-yooo!"

Roxette: "Tripp, I'm cashing into our ship's diasphere."

Roxette: "From here, I can see any mechanical flaw in Thunderbird 3's retro system."

Tripp: "But you can find out what's wrong, too."

Roxette: "Yes. There it is! The radio beam's still on, and it's draining all their fuel. Hackers to Mister Tracy."

Jeff Tracy: "What is it, Roxette?"

Roxette: "Mega news, boss. Thunderbird 3's radio beam is still on, and is draining all of their fuel."

Tripp: "Hope you like your T-birds well done!"

Jeff Tracy: "Tripp, program SAL to override the radio transmission. It's our only hope. There's no time to lose."

Tripp: "Listen, digi-dude. I need you to break into Thunderbird 3's security system and turn off its radio beam. Comprende?"

SAL: "Bypassing Thunderbird security is an illegal function...!"

Tripp: "Affirmative, but the big headed dudes are in danger, so either you turn off the radio beam, or I'm trading you in for a pocket calculator."

SAL: "Hey Tripp, wanna see my impersonation of a snowstorm? Ha-Ha-Ha!"

Roxette: "What is he doing? We need power, we don't have time for this."

Tripp: "I think I hurt his feelings."

Roxette: "Oh, convenient."

SAL: "He's not being very nice to me."

Roxette: "SAL, I know dealing with emotions isn't easy, but right now, you're being selfish. You gotta think of that crew up there in Thunderbird 3 and tell Tripp here what he's got to do to get back online."

SAL: "Say you're sorry."

Roxette: "Do it!"

SAL: "Come on. I'm waiting!"

Tripp: "SAL, buddy, we've been together for a long time."

SAL: "Well, I guess that will have to do. OK, I'll help you."

Allen Tracy: "I must think... must find the answer.... Why haven't the retros fired? Lack of power, maybe. But why? Gee, it's like an oven in here. The radio beam. That could cut the power. Tin-Tin, have you shut down the beam? Tin-Tin, can you hear me? Have you shut down the safety beam?"

Roxette: "Thirty seconds to sunburn. Tripp, do it."

Tripp: "F.A.B.!"

Allen Tracy: "Hey... the retros must have fired. We're moving away from the Sun. We're moving away from the Sun!"

Roxette: "F.A.B.!"

Tripp: "SAL, I love you. But I'm not in love with you."

Roxette: "Oh, please!"

Tripp: "Hold down the board for me, Rox. I gotta get a little shut-eye after a hard day's work."

SAL: "You are getting sleepy... sleepy. Now you are in my clutches. Ha-ha-ha! Come play with me, Tripp! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

SAL: "Bad dream, little buddy?"

Tripp: "Aaaaaaaargh!"

SAL: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"


The End.

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